Wedding Planning Advice For Couples, From Couples | Utah Wedding Photographer
Wedding Planning Advice For Couples, From Couples | Utah Wedding Photographer
Tai Lee Photography | Fine Art Wedding and Elopement Photography
WEDDING PLANNING ARTICLES, TIPS, AND TRICKS
So I had an idea a while back that it would be nice to get wedding advice, planning tips, and suggestions from the people that had been there before. There are a TON of articles on wedding blogs and links to articles on Pinterest and some of them are really helpful, but a lot of them are also just trendy topics. They don’t look at tradition and evaluate it. So I took a few questions to my facebook and instagram audience to get their wisdom and advice on the whole wedding experience from what they regret, to what they were glad they did. These tips for making your wedding planning easier are little nuggets of gold and it’s worth reading every single one. Take a screen shot if you need! Also, as you scroll, take note of a couple of trends—you’ll see a few things come up multiple times.
I’m finding more and more that my couples consider themselves non-traditional. Not that some of the wedding traditions don’t matter, but that they want to keep the ones that are meaningful, and say peace-the-hell-out to the ones that aren’t. The wedding planning tools and checklists will only take you so far, but if you can get to the heart of what you are planning and why you are planning it that way, you will make decisions that align with who you are as a couple and individuals, and your day is going to be full of beauty. So scroll through to get advice that will make your wedding planning as easy and stress-free as possible. Also, if you want my free stress-free wedding planning guide (again, full of tips you aren’t going to see on all the wedding blogs), put your email in the pop-up window.
FACEBOOK POST:
Question for my married friends!
I'm putting together a blog post of wedding advice from actual couples. It's nice to actually hear real advice from real people instead of something generic from a wedding planning website.
Feel free to answer as many questions as you want in your response.
1 | What do you regret doing or not doing for your wedding?
2 | What do you wish you had done instead?
3 | What are you glad you did?
4 | What advice do you have for couples currently planning their wedding?
1) I wish I didn’t let so many people try and push what they wanted me to do, remember it’s your wedding make it what you want.
2) Destination Wedding or eloped.
3) Had pizza rolls included in the dinner plans and a zebra wedding cake.
4) Do what fits your style and what you want, don’t let anyone try and sway you. Also Splurge on a good photographer. You’ll cherish some of those pictures.
1. I regret not having a reception, I really wanted to dance when we got home.
2. No regrets, we did a destination wedding it was perfect. I do wish we would have taken more time with pictures.
3. Destination! It was so stress free!
4. Follow your heart and do what makes you happy!
1. Nothing
1. Nothing
3. Loved everything we did, planned out wedding in two weeks and spent $1700. Did a taco and margarita buffet from our fave bar, pies for dessert. Got my dress on sale for $150 from shopbop (we had our wedding in fall so it was an oxblood red Jill Stuart dress). We had it in a friend’s backyard while she was out of town and invited 25 people. It was awesome and we had SO much fun.
4. Remember… You’re the one who is left to live with the memories of your day. Do what you want. Don’t invite anyone bc you feel you should. And don’t go into debt or spend your life savings over just one day.
Advice from Simply by Suzy | https://simplybysuzy.com/
Josh and I wish we would have eloped. We spent all our money on a wedding and never had a honeymoon. If we were to do it again, we would pick a temple in Hawaii, have a photographer waiting for us, we would get married, take pictures, then send out an announcement that we eloped. We would spend the money on us.
1. Not being able to have both of our parents there. Thanks covid.
2. Had a big shindig afterward with all of our loved ones.
3. Going to the courthouse. Short, sweet and to the point.
4. Go to the courthouse, save the money and take a big trip or have a big party to celebrate your love.
First, I’ve been married 38 years, so weddings “back then” were a whole different THANG! They were simpler.
To answer your questions:
1. I do not regret splurging on my dream wedding dress. I saw it in a magazine & fell in love with it. When I tried it on, it was “mine.” My parents dissuaded me from spending so much—being very frugal/practical parents—but I saved up to buy it & paid on a payment plan & never regretted it.
2. But I do regret wearing a lace floppy hat, which was very “stylish” in the 80s, so I’d suggest ditching the biggest trends and staying more classic but still “you.”
3. Our wedding was big. I remember feeling regret that I could not connect with everyone. I had so much fun at my wedding, but I would prefer/suggest a smaller, more intimate group where everyone lingers together and the bride/groom connect with each guest in a real way. As an attendee, my favorite weddings now are smaller, simpler weddings.
4. Today’s weddings are so elaborate & expensive. It’s very stressful to organize & execute weddings with most people having little knowledge or skill set how to do it, as they’ve never planned big events before. It’s emotionally & financially draining.
My suggestion would be KEEP IT SIMPLE. Start simple, and simplify more. Then simplify more. Set boundaries for an affordable budget & instead of DIY-ing yourself to exhaustion, ditch the idea! Or have gatherings of friends/family do “craft/organize” night where you do your top priority things in community. Keep it simple, unless you want a blow-out wedding…AND have a huge budget, a wedding planner and don’t have to tend to all the details yourself. Otherwise, keep it simple.
Also, what I’ve noticed is when a mom plans the wedding, she’s often super nervous the wedding day. She carries the burden all through the planning up until the bride waves her off in the “get-away” car. Don’t put the planning solely on your mom—it’s your wedding. You (the bride) should take the lead & allow her to support you in ways you specify. If you’re grown up enough to get married, you’re grown up enough to plan your wedding. Busyness is an excuse to plop the burden on Mom.
Dad isn’t there as the check-writer or the silent partner to his & his daughter’s grand wedding planning. I can’t tell you how many dads have said something similar to: “I just write the checks, shut up & show up at the wedding in my suit that they picked out for me.” What a sad and empty place for the father-of-the-bride to stand.
And my last point is huge: Evaluate wedding & cultural traditions & really dig deep how important they are to both of you. Don’t merely do all the traditional stuff because it’s “the way it is.” Does the flower toss really mean anything to you? Must you smash cake in each other’s faces? Can the mom and daughter have their special dance? Must everyone stand and stare at the couple during their first dance? There’s nothing inherently wrong with wedding customs—but just make sure they are included in your wedding with intention and purpose. Most of these traditions, I believe, break into the natural flow of conversation, dancing, etc. So many times, the natural flow is stopped so the couple can do X,Y,Z tradition. The interruptions have a natural consequence on the party’s flow and enjoyment. Because let’s be honest: Is it really enjoyable to watch a couple share cake slices?
OK, one last thing: In the time period leading up to the wedding, the couple should focus WAY MORE on preparing for marriage than preparing for the wedding. The wedding is one night—the marriage is (hopefully) a lifetime. In this engagement time: Take mental notes how the fiancé manages stress, holds boundaries with parents, treats vendors, includes/excludes people from wedding events, etc. Watch for his/her strengths & weaknesses —and communicate praise and concern honestly as navigating toward marriage.
Learn to manage stress together, hold boundaries together. Encircle people in your co-joined lives together. The engagement period is perfect practice grounds for practicing sacrificial, compromising, teamwork, one-flesh love. If you fumble during wedding planning, it’s a clear sign you’ll struggle with all these important aspects when married. Practice one-ness in everything wedding related, especially in all decisions where grooms are generally left on the sideline.
Okay, I think that’s it. Didn’t know I had so much to say about this topic. For a while, we attended about 8-10 weddings a year, so I’ve had lots of experience with current weddings!
Definitely wished it was more intimate, just family and close friends, maybe a destination wedding. At Amangiri Resort. Yes. That’s what I want.
1. I wish we would have eloped. I had wanted to do it since I was a little girl. My grandmother fully supported it
2. So I hired a photographer but her baby came early via c section. I wish I would have went with someone else solely for that reason alone. we just didn’t communicate on it Luckily a friend who flew in who is a photographer borrowed a camera and saved the day and we love her for it! I have no ill wishes towards the photographer and she doesn’t have any towards me. I just wish I would have planned better
3. Im glad we had the reception at an event center and not in a gym. There is nothing wrong with having one in a gym it’s just something ben and I both didn’t want and I’m glad we used part of the budget for a venue.
4. Elope. Or Have a ceremony with your mom dad and grandparents and siblings. Very small. Then have a massive party sometime within the next year.
1) regret spending so much money and being stressed about everything needing to be just perfect.
2) had a simple ceremony on the beach
3) had really good food! Had our closest friends and family there
4) remember this day is about you two. Try to focus on what’s important to you, not everyone else!
1) honestly nothing. I was married once before and this second time around we did it right.
2) Nothing
3) We invited our closest friends and our families to a close destination (St. George) we rented a place with multiple condos (shared in the expense- we didn't front the bill-ha) and had everyone there for 3 days. We did all our favorite things, we biked, hiked, ate, just enjoyed our time together. Then we got married down there, took pics at snow canyon and it was beautiful. No huge wedding, no reception, just us and the people we cared most about.
4) do you, don't do what others expect or want. It's YOUR wedding, not your mother's. Spend less money on it, make it more simple, create memories and build relationships. Don't exhaust yourself, enjoy it.
1 | What do you regret doing or not doing for your wedding?
We realized later how fun it would've been to have a themed wedding. Nothing too crazy, but maybe some costumes or flair for the wedding party and some easy masks or something that guest could decorate with some prompts for style. My cousin did an old-timey carnival-themed wedding and it was a blast! Part of the problem was just that we were too busy and were doing everything ourselves, didn't spend any time researching (and we're old so this was before Pinterest and the like). We were too immature to ask for help, I now know there were plenty of people who would've been happy to help, so don't be afraid to ask.
Another regret was not hiring a professional wedding photographer. We had a family member who is a talented wildlife and landscape photographer volunteer to be our photographer for free. This seemed like a huge blessing at the time but unfortunately they didn't do a great job. The best pictures we have of our wedding actually came from the disposable cameras we put on everyone's tables (again, pre-smart-phone era). My advice of course is to hire Tai Lee Grant.
2 | What do you wish you had done instead?
We had planned to get married in a park and made all the arrangements with that in mind (renting chairs and a pavilion, building a cool arch, worrying about the angle of the sun, etc.) and had no back-up plan. So when it snowed on our wedding day (in September!) we had to scramble last-second to find an alternate venue on the same day—a Saturday—move everything, contact everyone, make signs—it was a crazy. My wife even lost the shoes that she had picked to wear with her wedding dress. They got put inside something and we found them later, but she had to buy shoes right before the wedding. Ended up being hours later than planned and our food plans were a nightmare because of that too. I suggest having a contingency plan in place, even if you're not affected by the weather because you have an indoor venue there are myriad unforeseen events that could happen that force you to change venues at the last second. By the time we were done we half-wished we would've just got married in the blizzard, that would've been memorable!
Besides the time change, a lot more people showed up than had RSVP'd. In fact, only 8 people RSVP'd, all from out of state. Knowing how Utahns are, we planned for 150 people. Slightly over 400 showed up, nearly every single person we had invited a few we didn't. We didn't have nearly enough food. I can blame the non-RSVP-ers, but some light finger-foods in small portions, prepared ahead of time with a minimal amount of refrigeration needed, would've been a better approach. The wrapped candies at the tables were popular, but again we didn't have enough. We didn't have enough chairs either, but that didn't bother me as much to be honest.
3 | What are you glad you did?
We had live music before the ceremony, that was a very nice touch and a lot of people remember that when the subject comes up. We also had a DJ for the ceremony and reception, which was very nice and works better for dancing (thanks Shawn Taylor!). We also respectively asked for honeymoon donations in lieu of gifts, which was perhaps the best decision we made. People were extremely generous and we were able to spend a week in New England without it hurting us financially.
4 | What advice do you have for couples currently planning their wedding?
Make it fun, but don't spend too much money on it! You'll be happier spending that money on the honeymoon, trust me. We still talk about our honeymoon all the time, it was amazing, and there were experiences we had that we would not have been able to afford if we had gone broke on the wedding.
Also remember it is both of y'all's wedding. We had an equal hand in planning, including the style, music, etc. That made it special for both of us.
There are no limits to the wedding party. I don't care if half your guests are in the wedding party. Do what you want, include who you want. Go crazy and have fun!
INSTAGRAM AUDIENCE:
Advice for other couples:
Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks/wants.
It really is about you and your spouse. Recognize that things don’t always go perfectly, and that’s ok.
Hire a good photographer that knows your style, keep to your style, not trends.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Pick things you really care about and focus on those.
Make a priority list and start there.
Pay for the honeymoon first.
Let your family help—so many awesome talents they can share.
What You’re Glad You Did:
Invested in beautiful photography and videography!! Celebrated with beloveds.
Eloped with a few family members present. Spent our wedding budget on two honeymoons.
Glad we had our reception in my parents backyard, it felt personal.
I’m glad I had a colorful wedding, and bought my dress in Mexico.
Our style, outside…
Spent a lot on dress and bouquet—worth it.
Mom made my cake!! Super easy if you just throw some fresh flowers on it!!
Paid for a meeting with wedding planner to help tie together ideas and rentals, etc.
Not stressed too much about details.
Our venue and ceremony were amazing.
Had a small ceremony outside with so many good friends.
Cookies and milk for treats, and having a honeymoon close by!
What You Wish You Had Done:
Splurged on high end photography.
Eloped. Saved my money for travel. Bought a dress that wasn’t white.
I just wanted to be married and not care about details. I should have cared a tiny bit.
Paid a makeup artist and hairdresser. But I was too poor for both!
I would totally have a dance party now, less inhibitions I guess.
I wish we’d done a small wedding with just close family and friends. I also wish I’d worn a black dress instead of a white one. I wanted to, but, expectations.
Being a little more classy. Paying more, getting a better videographer and photographer.
Pay a professional photographer! My sister has no pictures from her wedding day!
Planned an exotic honeymoon later and actually gone.
Eating the food. We had so much good stuff but I didn’t feel like eating that day.
Regrets: Just FYI, I did not rig this ;)
I regret renting a building for the reception. I wish we stayed in Scott’s grandpa’s yard. I also regret not hiring a videographer but it wasn’t as big as it is today.
Not splurging for a better photographer…
Going with the cheaper photographer.
Not taking video of my sis Tiphanie belly dancing at my reception. She died 6 mos later.
Not having a reception or big party. Weird huh?
Not getting the photographer I wanted! Also, I wish I wore a pink dress!
Not eloping!
No video
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